Brokeback Moutain

**Spoilers Ahead**Spoilers Ahead**Spoilers Ahead**Spoilers Ahead**Spoilers Ahead**Spoliers Ahead**

Last night I finally saw Brokeback Mountain. I cried - twice. I have the theme song playing in my head right now. This movie is not action-packed, nor is it an edge-of-your-seat kind of film. Rather, it is a film that allows you to become invested in the characters, to think about their feelings and imagine "what if?" What if I were Ennis or Jack, or one of their wives? What if the person that I thought I was was just a facade, masking a person that I never thought was possible?

I was surprised that Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) engaged with Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhal) as quick as he did. For some reason, I had a preconceived notion that it would be a long fight before he discovered that he desired Jack. I really felt bad for Jack Twist. He knew what he wanted and went for what he desired- and that was to be with Ennis. Ennis, on the other hand, was very rigid and pretty much shut down. This could be due to his parents dying early and his being left to make his way in the world alone. After their summer ends, I was also surprised that Ennis moved forward with his plans to get married to Alma (Michelle Williams). From the get-go, I could tell that Alma not only loved her husband but truly desired him, as well. Which is why I could truly feel her pain when she saw Ennis and Jack kissing. Seeing your husband kissing anyone other than yourself has got to be unbearably painful, which is why I didn't understand why she stood with Ennis for so long. Was it because she thought that it was a one-time thing? Or was it a matter of letting go of the man that you love? It would kill me if my husband cheated on me, but I would never stick it out. I could not go through the pain of not trusting him anymore. Even though she does divorce him and remarries, the scene where she finally confronts Ennis was long awaited. I really thought she was going to stab him (lol). I'm glad that she let it out and I could tell that she was still in so much pain.

Jack, on the other hand, was stuck with an asshole father-in-law (and boy, was I glad when he finally told him off). His wife, Lureen, makes a comment about husbands never dancing with their wives. This made me think that she probably suspected something was off but did not have any evidence. I can understand her character. How many of us has had suspicions about someone we cared about but were not sure how to handle it? What about if those suspicions were just paranoia on your part and then you ended up destroying everything you know. This is sort of how I view Lureen's situation.

Back to Jack and Ennis - I really wanted them to just settle down together. I was a bit upset, though, that they had an affair while being married. This was really not fair to their families. I don't condone affairs, so I did not think that their carrying on every summer was a good thing. Jack should have given his wife the opportunity to find someone who would both love and desire her - so essentially, he cheated her out of a life. Ennis' adultery cheated his wife out of a trusting relationship and made her bitter. It did break my heart when Ennis and Jack broke up. They had sacrificed so much just to let it dissipate into nothing.

I seriously broke down when Jack died. Even though I knew this was going to happen because someone spoiled it for me a while ago, hence my spoiler warning above, that brief clip of what happened to him was awful. Things like this happen all the time. How can you kill someone just because you don't like their lifestyle? This scene actually made me think of the Matthew Shepard case, who was killed because he was gay. An evil act that cut a young life short.

Of course, at the end of the movie, I could not stop crying. My husband just stared at me (he also hugged me, too). To me, the movie was much more than watching one of the first commercially-promoted gay love stories - it was the questioning of who were are and a sort of "what would you do?" scenario. It was also about the choices we make and how those decisions shape who we are. Ennis made the choice to let go and for that, he would suffer a lifetime. Alma made the choice to hold on and yet move on. Lureen immersed herself in work. And Jack just wanted to be.

Wow - this is a loo-oong post. But this movie made me think...a lot, as you can tell. The choices we make are critical and therefore we have to be careful when and how we make them. Choices are to be made, but consequences are forever.